Updates and Crush Alert
Tuesday, December 8, 2009 at 11:45PM Homies, here's some ADD updates for ya. The first, my article about my experience working on a medicinal marijuana farm in Humboldt County was just published! Check it out here. If you're so inclined and want to be my best friend forever, please leave a comment at In The Fray. The comments take over a day to pop up, just an fyi. Chest bumps and ass slaps as gratitude in advance!
Here's a pic from inside the trim tent, trimmin' some massive bud. Many more pics if you click the link.
And here's me gettin' zen, workin' in the garden. Yes, those are all pot plants.
And check THIS shit out. Apparently here in L.A. in addition to Fairfax Jesus Guy there is a Compton Jesus Guy. Cruuush. My homie took this pic of him. He walks on stilts and carries a giant cross. Well and has a fro, handlebar mustache and a Jesus jersey, naturally. Total radness.
I'd really like to get FJG and CJG together for coffee. Or better yet, cocktails. That is my new mission in life.
With absolutely no seque, I took this pic inside the bathroom at the deli around the corner from me. I've noticed that I enjoy taking photos of public bathrooms and I had to share this one with you. I don't know why. I think I'm getting turrets.
And finally, Trader Joe's still isn't carrying my dried pineapple. Like Philip Morris's gum cigarettes targeted to kids, Trader Joe's, uh, wait a minute, this analogy isn't working. You get my drift though. TJs got me addicted and then took away my shit. UNCOOL.
Buuuuuut, Mama Charlet to the rescue. This is how fecking cool my Mom is--she bought a bunch of fresh pineapples and dehydrated them for me. Are you even kidding me? Uh-mazing. I'm going to nominate her for CNN's Hero of the year award.
And for the final creepy photo of the day, here's me making sweet, sweet love to my homemade dried pineapple. Suck it Trader Joe's.
Reader Comments (33)
I want to have cocktails with the stilt walking Jesus too!!
I just don't know what to say about all the Jesus's (?) running around.....I wouldn't really want to get inside their heads...just enjoy the show, without asking too many questions. Like the boardwalk at venice and the freak show there I pretend I'm at the cirque du insane, and all the characters escaped, and are acting out. Hey, I loved your article on your Humboldt experience, what a total trip, in every sense of the word! Excellent writing, I felt like I was right there. I can't imagine putting a poor little Prius through all that, but what a trooper she turned out to be. Yeah, don't you just hate getting sticky resin all over your hands, I mean, your gloves? I just love the smell of marijuana...why is there no mj essential oil? I don't need to smoke it, I just wanna smell it.....here's to the wild west!
Compton Jesus?! Unbelievable. Does each neighborhood have one? We must find out.
OH thank god you got your pineapple! I was getting concerned for you. Your Mom rocks. So does CJG.
That is so exciting about your article! Congrats!!! It's really fckng good too, really good. I want to read more!
Jules: Seriously, we need to make that happen!
Benjies: You're right, it's probably a carnival of terror inside their brains. Thanks for reading my article! I really appreciate it! I honestly can't believe my Prius came out unscathed; I should write Toyota. "Great car for trim adventures." ohhhh, and there absolutely should be a MJ essential oil! Why isn't there?!
Jenn12: Right? Is there a Beverly Hills Jesus who drives a Jaguar? And a Silverlake hipster Jesus who wears scarves?
Rach: I was really worried for myself as well. I was losing all faith in something greater.
Jeff B: Thank you!! :)
Blatant smoooozing for stocking stuffer dried pineapple... Have you no shame?!
Oh my god, you are wearing that pineapple like Silence of the Lambs skin. I'd be disturbed if you weren't so damn cute.
I LOVED your article about Humboldt County!! That shit needs to be in NEWSWEEK!!
I LOVE public bathrooms! They're so weird! Dried pineapple? I didn't get just how sick and twisted you are about it until I saw THE PICTURE. I think you should consider joining PJA (pineapple junkies annon). really - get some help!
Mama-B: Haha! Was it that obvious? Geez, I've lost my touch. ;)
Steamy: HAAAA! Total Silence of the Lambs stylio! "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." And some dried pineapple!
Caroline: Aww, thank you!!!! Can you please tell Newsweek? ;)
I have a crush on HHH.
OH YES PLEASE! Dried pineapple. YUM! That and the apricots. Deelish.
Is there a Jesus convention in town? Maybe every 'hood has one but they usually stay hidden and global warming or something has flushed them all out of their hiding places? And onto the streets of LA? Or not..
I will go read your fine article. I live in a province where our main national contribution is medical marijuana, yet someone told me it is "bad shit" and not nearly as potent as regular marijuana. Don't ask me how they know this or if it's true. Maybe we should have our own provincial flags and ours should be identical to the Canadian flag except take off the maple leaf and replace it with a big old MJ one. (Marijuana not Michael Jackson. That would make no sense.)
You're article is AMAZING!!! I hope you're getting some mad change for that. It seriously needs to be in other magazines too!!
Pigpen: You like public bathrooms too?! Wow, awesome. And you're right, I absolutely need help. I'm going to start going to meetings. Of course, I think I'll be the only one there.
BenBen: Awww stahp! ;)
Veggie: Maybe there is a Jesus convention in town! Good call! And dewd, you absolutely need that flag. And I need a shirt of that flag.
Sara Foo: Thank you Sara!!
Fraud Alert; The Stilt Walking Jesus is really Just Snoop looking for new models to "perform" in his next Porn Video. So Watch yer ass, kiddo. Or everyone else will be paying to.
Turrets: I agree. I didn't know it had an adult onset though. Turrets: Mozart and the Whale. Some of Josh H's only truly good acting.
Dried Pineapple Luuuuv ; a food dehydrator is one of the 50 essentials if yer gonna be a bona fide hippie. ("Mamma says she's Bona-Fide") And ESPECIALLY if you aspire to being a Pacific Northwest Hermit Hippie, young person. I got mine from a yard sale in Verdi....Big enough to dry a whole apple tree full of fruit. 10 bucks. SO don't go blamin yer lack of an addictive sugary fruit fix on Trader Joes.....you hafta take your addictive future into your own hands....sort of like when I taught Hunter S Thompsen to Make Aqua Velva and Gatorade Margaritas when I was 12.....no wait, that makes no goddamned sense whatsoever.....must have something to do with the childhood methanol brain damage ...or that Thompsen guy....where am I?
Nice Article about the Green Weed. I bet you look more at peace there in the Cannabus rows than you do on stage in the spotlight or in front of the Camera. Something to consider. You know....Greg Brown says that he had to finally realize that he was alot like his father....had to make his peace with that. Which was easy, cause he likes his dad.
PS: there IS an MJ "Essential Oil"....we've all been making brownies with it for decades now..... ask yer mom for details if ye don't know about that, lass........
I think I need to start hunting down an Australian Jesus, there needs to be an international Jesus Cocktail Convention (all your concoctions, naturally).
I'm off to read your story now (reading about weed at work is totally acceptable, right?).
And PS - You're awesome.
Rosamond: I love the Greg Brown shout out! And that's a terrific quote. He's really something wonderful. And you're completely right, I desperately need a dehydrator. Oh and you mentioned my hero, Mr. Thompsen, love you for that. And wait a minute there's an MJ essential oil? Like perfume style? Cuz I mos def have extensive experience making brownies and baked yum yums, but that's the butter...speak to me more about this essential oil. :)
Elise: You do! Where is the Australian Jesus?! And oh yes, reading about weed is encouraged at work, I'm just sure of it. YOU are awesome!
Well, kid, I was talking about the Butter thing, as you might imagine. BUT extraction of the pure oil(s) from Cannabis should be a pretty simple affair...all you need is a Liquid Chromatograph. Read, long assed fancy tube full of special glass beads, heated and pressurized, through which you feed a highly dissolved puree fluid of NGB (Nice Greasy Bud). Differentially releases the various components of the puree, making it possible to "cut off" the particular chemicals if you know how long it takes for them to come out of the end of the tube. Basic Science stuff. Need access to a Mass spectrometer, too, to find out when the chemical(s) of interest would come out. Basically, such a setup could be made for well under 100K. And you'd make a return on your $$ beyond your wettest Hollywood Jesus dream.
Sounds like a snap, eh? I have a feeling, though, that the feds, their German Shepherds, and whoever the current Drug Czar is would be mightily interested in such a funny little Chemistry set. Dumb Fuckers....No law on earth has ever managed to get rid of Homo sapiens' drug seeking behaviour. And in the mean time, everyone is bitching about lack of tax revenue...... go figger.
I wonder if Pineapple is good for your skin? Could Pineapple be the new cucumber???
Rosamond: Isn't it quite the quandry?! You said it right, DUMB FUCKERS!
Kneebucks: Oh shit, pineapple's the new cucumber and we are now bazillionaires--snap!
The article and associated comments about the green stuff reminds me of one of my favorite books of all time: The Botany of Desire, by Michael Pollan. If we aren't supposed to get high, why do our brains have receptors specifically for THC? Riddle me this...
As always, loved the post, loved the article. I would love to see Snoop Jesus one of these days. I'll have to keep my eyes open for a Tahoe Jesus. He probably has a golden retriever, a black lab, and a malamute, and drives a 1984 Subaru wagon, wears Tevas, and lives on West Shore in a rental house packed full of South American migrant workers hired by Squaw.
The Hubs came out of a public bathroom in Vegas and he's all "Oh my god, I just peed on carpet" and I'm all what?! He said the urinals were carpet lined and you peed on the carpet. I tried to get him to go back in and take a picture but he was too embarrassed. I'm glad someone is out there taking pictures of public bathrooms. It's a service sorely needed. Who knows, you might find carpet in a urinal.
C Ros: Dude, your description of the mythical Tahoe Jesus made me laugh out loud! HILAR! And that is the greatest book! Thank you for reminding me of it! I think I need to read it again, so, so good.
Toe: Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?! That's amazical!!! Oh lawdy lawd I really need to see that before I die! :)