Crush Alert - The Olympics
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 12:00AM 
Crush is a major understatement. I have a full-blown obsession with the Olympics. Ever since I was a kid, the Olympics have been my holy grail. I wanted to be an Olympian long before I wanted to be an actor/writer and long before my high school career counselor told me that I was best suited to be a vending machine operator (true story). The hang ups? 1) I could never figure out what my sport was. And 2) my lack of physical prowess. Details.
See, the thing is, I can watch any Olympic sport for hooouuuuuuurrrrrrs. Days. Weeks. Done it. Archery, rowing, curling, bring it. Figure skating, table tennis, cross-country skiing, yes please. To be the best at something - who doesn't want that? But I could never choose just one thing to focus on (story of my life).
In college I dated an NCAA cross-country skier and WOWZA. Those people are made of different stuff than I. I would party with him and the team all night and lemme tell you, those Nordic boys were profesh drinkers. BUT the next morning they would wake up at 6am and go on a FOUR-HOUR RUN. Yagottabekiddingme. To this day I have no conclusive proof that they were actually human.
I wasn’t a slouch in college. I was on our triathlon team, but you weren’t going to see me doing keg stands all night and then running for four hours the next morning. It just isn’t in my DNA. If I were to survive our four-hour runs, I needed to be in bed by 9 with angels rubbing my feet as I slept.
I could only imagine that if my cross-country ski friends didn’t major in binge drinking Keystone Light, maybe they would’ve made it to the Olympics. But I’m no expert on the diet of an Olympian.
Anybelch, that’s not the point. The point is, the Olympics get me fired up. There’s very little that I find to be as inspiring. And I rarely care who wins. It’s cool when the old USA is on the podium, but I’d also like Iran’s first female Olympic athlete to win. And I cheered when China’s married figure skating duo who have been skating together for 18 years took the gold.
And how about one of them ’stan nations. I hope they win some medals. Their lives must be so hard…wherever those countries are. I bet they don’t even have Bravo. Or Doritos.
Oh and Algeria and Ghana—a medal for them too please. It seems only fair. USA has Cake Boss and donut burgers; we can share a medal or two.
Please don’t tell any rednecks where I live.
So for the next couple of weeks, if I don’t return your call you know why. My ass will be firmly embedded into the couch, utterly inspired to watch every moment of Olympic history. Amen and hallelujah.
Reader Comments (24)
I'm more of a Summer Olympics nut but I do have quite an obsession over the figure skating. Always have. And the luge. But I'll tell ya, not having a DVR anymore sucks because I can't record anything and I never remember when stuff is on. Sigh. This is what I get for cutting back on cable costs. Waaaaah.
I've been all Olympicsed up the past few days too. It makes you wish you'd decided at age 7 to be a freaking awesome athlete. I truly want to be a Moguler. I want to mogul my pants off. That looks fast, thrilling, bumpy and athletic all at once. Or a snowboarder. That has to be great. Damn. Now I'll have to settle for Olympic standard grilled cheese eater or something. Still, it's fun to at least WATCH the real athletes. :) Those huge thighs. Hubba.
Go Derkaderkastan!!!
Boober: OH man, figure skating is sooooooo awesome. I want a figure skater's legs. And those outfits--must have one of those! No DVR?! No bueno!!! I'll ship you mine. :)
Veggie: Omg, moguls are INSANE!!! How do they have any knees left?! And snowboarding is SO awesome. I'd LOVE to be an Olympic snowboarder--it looks like the best rush ever. Those thighs!! Hubba is right!! More grilled cheese for us!
KM: HAHAHA! And Smoochfestastan!
That redneck photo is terrifying!!! What in the hell kind of thing is he holding?!
I could never cross country ski for the life of me. I guess I just don't have the coordination. Who knew you had to be so coordinated? Or maybe I'm just really unathletic.
I never thought I was that into the winter Olympics, but just this year I can't tear my eyes away. It's everyone's story that's so compelling. I'm loving it.
LuLu: Right? Looks like he's holding some sort of home-made Bud Light torch thrower that apparently blew all of his teeth out. YIKES.
BenBen: It does require tons of coordination! I was really surprised at that too! Took me awhile to be able to do it. And then once I figured it out I wanted hot chocolate and bed.
Ronny: Everyone's story is just aaaaamazing! That's why I want everyone to win.
I majored in binge drinking Keystone Light as well. And I have the ass to prove it. The Olympics make me sad, is that weird?
hmmm, do you recall the naughty little girl whose only punishment that would have ANY impact (short of the rack) was NOT watching the Olympics? 'course that turned out to be way to severe and only lasted one night.
Um...I do know where you live. And I'm bringin' my family.
OMG - I totally heart the Olympics too. The fact that the Tahoe/Truckee area has 9!!!! athletes competing in it makes it even cooler. And 3 of those people went to school with my husband or his brother. Too cool. I am hoping that Jamaica's one and only competitor in the winter games, Errol Kerr, a Truckee local, gets a medal. It is so exhilarating!! It makes me want to have a ton of kids and make them ski all the time in Squaw's Mitey Mites program so they can go to the Olympics in their young adulthood. (no pressure though!) Nothing like living your dreams vicariously through your children and expecting Olympic medals from them. :)
Go for the Gold Babygirl!!
As I told Hubby, I don't think I could cross country ski across our backyard without having a heart attack......
Werd! I love Keystone Light. Brings back fond memories for sure. That and IC Light. Stands for Iron City Light. I'll let you figure out what city that beer is from. And I'm def more of a winter Olympics fan then summer. Don't know why, just am. Besides, Tennis, my #1 summer sport, I think I rekindled my love of baseball.
Yunno? I have never really gotten into the Olympics before this last summer Olympics. But last night I sat there glued to these men figure skaters in their flamboyant outfits, and could not understand how I, ME, Queen of the fag hags haven't gotten into this before!!! I'm hooked. And what is a donut burger?
About 5 years ago, I ran the Manhattan Beach 10k after a night of red bull & vodka pitchers at Sharkeez in Hermosa. Yeah. I almost died. Can't imagine it being a regular thing. Those boys are for real profesh.
Sara: They totally make me sad when people lose (which is like 90% of the athletes.) It's totally heartbreaking--fo sho.
Mama-B: That was the cruelest punishment EVER!!!!!! And I don't remember it lasting only one day!! I remember it lasting the entire time! I might never forgive you for that... ;)
Mr. Beane: You'll appreciate this: today for a callback I had to buy 4 loaves of white bread and 2 tubs of Miracle Whip. No lie.
C Ros: Haha! Right?! Maybe we could have an Olympics for 30 somethings who just started a sport? Doubt we'd get many sponsors though... And I LOVE that Tahoe has so many athletes! It totally makes it so much fun to watch! I'm rooting for Errol too!
Caroline: You know it!
Jules: Hahahaha!
Kneebucks: Pitt?! I wish there was a beer named after Reno! I'd call it Swagger Lite.
Carissa: Guuuuuuurl, figure skating is the best! I especially love the men with those outfits! How hot is that one American--think his name is Even. Beautiful gay boys. And donut burgers are burgers with donuts for buns--I know right!
Colby: OH god, I think I woulda died. Awful! Profesh drinkers fo sho!
That redneck pic made me snort, hilarious.
I think I need a donut burger in my life. Is that pathetic? Do you think I'm disgusting?
Chris: Isn't it awesome and horrifying at the same time?
2fer: You absolutely do need one. Everybody does. Once. And only once.
Is it wrong to watch for the people falling down and the ski crashes? Because that's the only reason it's on in my house.
Toe: Not at all. Those crashes are INSANE. How do they not die?!