I’ve Seen Jesus and He Lives in West Hollywood
Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 11:45PM Near Fairfax and Fountain to be exact. A few months ago I was minding everyone else’s business and walking Snoots N Toots around the neighborhood for her afternoon poop fiesta. Suddenly I was stopped in my tracks. There he was, Jesus, standing on the corner of Fairfax and Fountain with his arms outstretched and his palms facing up towards heaven.
He was dressed in his typical long, white robe and sandals, thin frame, approximately 6’ 2” tall with sandy brown hair down to his shoulders, you know, Jesus. No mistaking it, Jesus. Really, it couldn’t have been anyone else, not an anorexic Fabio, not a shaggy haired toga dude, nope, Jesus. Standing on the corner of an extremely busy intersection with his hands outstretched to his Pops. What. The. Fuck. You gotta love Hollyweird.
I have to say, I was mesmerized. I’ve seen some weird shit in my hood, crazy shit, but this ranked high. I don’t worship Jesus, or go to church, but it kind of takes your breath away when you see him, or at least someone who really looks like him and has the balls to stand on the corner dressed like him. I wanted to stay and just stare, see how long he’d stand there, if anyone would talk to him, but Snoots subscribes to the religion of afternoon treat proceeding afternoon poop so I was lead home by my whining dog.
Two weeks later, same scenario, poop fiesta underway, and what do I see? Fairfax Jesus Guy (this is the name that I gave him when relating this story to my friends ad naseum) BOARDING THE BUS. Apparently Jesus is green. Or he’s one of the five people in L.A. who doesn’t have a car.
Getting closer
I was really excited about this sighting and called a friend who had his own Fairfax Jesus Guy story. Unbelievable. Apparently my friend has a friend who lives in the same hood and while on her deck one day she witnessed a car accident (which are about as common here as venereal diseases). Before the cops could come (they were probably too busy rehearsing their lines) Fairfax Jesus Guy walks up to the car, opens the passenger side door, and helps the female passenger out of the car. My friend of a friend who’s still sitting on her deck watching what is now proving to be better than the Top Chef finale, then sees the female passenger walk away with Fairfax Jesus Guy, leaving the driver in the car.
Can you EVEN imagine?! You’re in a car accident, you’re disoriented, injured, etc. and then JESUS walks up and helps you out! I would absolutely think I was dead. And shocked that I was getting into heaven.
What was Fairfax Jesus Guy doing? Is that his pick-up move? Waits around for car accidents and then swoops in as the son of God? That’s a homerun. Really guys, when you’re at a bar shmoozin’ on the ladies, maybe you should think, What Would Fairfax Jesus Guy Do?
After hearing this I became mildly obsessed with F.J.G and started carrying my phone on our afternoon poop fiestas in hopes of getting an up close photo of him. Here’s my best shot to date.
We actually crossed paths here, and he said hello. I was twitterpated. My next goal is an autograph. I could for sure sell that shit on eBay to someone in the South.
And in case you were wondering, Jesus takes days off. I was yet again minding everyone else’s business, having tea with my homie Tim Coyne at the local coffee shop and who walks in? Day-Off Jesus. And what does he enjoy drinking on his day off? Coffee, black. Yes, I snooped; it was my obligation as a fan. And yes, I furthered my creepiness and grabbed this shot.
I figured, Fairfax Jesus Guy isn’t someone to miss an opportunity. I will follow his lead. Afterall, WWFJGD?
Reader Comments (37)
Jesus Christ. I love that you've got photos of him. He has massively long toes.
That's NOT Jesus. He's wearing Tevos. REAL Jesus would be wearing rope sandals or going barefoot.
I'm just sayin'.
He's going that to pick up chicks.
But you should date him. Hubby used to look like that. Before he cut his hair. But he never wore the robe.
Okay, I love this post!!! My favorite part is the picture of FJG with the sun behind his back. It makes him look almost like, well, Jesus. It's good to know that he does take some time for himself and sips a cup of java at the local in a pair of jeans. Although, it kind of kills the whole fantasy. He really should stay in character all of the time.
Jesus Tittie Fucking!!
And just think of how many pic messages he's sent to his people saying, "Look, I saw Fairfax Buffy today!"
Elise: Right? That's how he can walk on water.
Jules: He only wears Tevas on his day off. While he's on the clock he wears rope sandals.
Jen: You're absolutely right. I wonder if he has a comment box somewhere--I'd like to let him know.
KM: Hahaha!
Boober: HA! Now wouldn't that be awesome?!
Those photos are incredible! Wow, I really need to see this guy. Great, another obsession, thanks! ;)
That car accident story is one of the most ridiculous stories I've ever heard. WTF?! Jesus is a playa!
Can I get a WWFJGD bracelet?
Jeff B: You're welcome :) Add it to the list!
Rach: He's a total playa, and possible a cripple pimp.
Jenn12: I really think he needs to start marketing those. Or perhaps I will...hello millionaires club!
You can never leave LA... how would we know that the earth has has slipped out of orbit?
all those years in Catholic boarding school and I never got a sighting, not fair.
OMG - I am so stoked for you. I double dog dare you to ask him for a minor favor, like turning your water into wine or turning a fish and a loaf of bread into sushi and bruschetta for 2000. This is so awesome!
I think T-shirts being made are in order! I've seen this guy too. Every time I pass by him I secretly hope he stops me and says something profound or blesses me. But, he doesn't
wow FJG by day,CJJ (coffee junkie jesus ) by night. He was probably on his 5th or 6th cupajava by the time you showed up that morning.
Zoots: Good point. I guess I'll have to retire here. Goodbye villa in Tuscany.
Mama-B: You're right, I totally don't deserve a Jesus sighting. I do deserve a Daniel Day Lewis sighting though. Or an Omar sighting. (hear me Jesus? hear my plea?)
C Ros: Hahaha! I'm gonna ask him if he'll grant me booking a national commercial so I don't have to get a job!
Kneebucks: T-shirts!!!! Nice!
Zoots: Ha! CJJ is so rad. I love this!
Holy shit, I LOVE things like this. I would be probably in jail by now for stalking and gawking at Fairfax Jesus. I mean is that not just TOO interesting? Who wouldn't want to know about that guy? I say go dress up as Mary Magdalene and stand on the opposite corner.
They should give Fairfax Jesus a reality show. Looks like he needs one as he seems to live in fantasy land. Maybe he's a throwback from the Manson family?
However, I don't want to alarm anyone but would Jesus REALLY wear Tevas?
Hysterical!
JESUS!! I have got to see that guy. Your pics are fantasmical!!!! This post made my Monday.
I love that Jesus wears Tevas.
Veggie: OH he totally needs a reality show! Good call! Hmm (fingers twiddling), perhaps I should start filming him...
Rye: Oh yay! Yes, come over, we'll drink wine then go stalk him.
Caroline: HIlar right? Only on his days off though. When he's on the clock he wears rope sandals. :)
Just today a friend of mine posted a picture of FJG walking down the street in Hollywood. He said FJG kicks it at the Comedy Store!
In Las Vegas, we have the Fat Elvis Guy
WWFJGD? Hilarity. I love that you stalked him. That's awesome. I followed a big-haired (really big-haired) woman around Costco once trying to get a pic of her. Without being obvious. I failed. She was photo-worthy. Anyway, well done. Strong work.
Jenn: FJG likes some stand-up?! You don't say. That's fantastic. I'm liking him more and more.
Pythia: FEG! Nice. I wonder if they'd get along?
Colby: Oh no! I need to see BHW! I tried to get a pic of a postal worker today wearing a purple santa hat that said "Spoiled" on it today. I too failed. So bummed.
I love it!
We haven't met at that coffee shop yet without seeing FJG.
Only in Hollyweird;)
Tim