Sobriety's Downside: Being Sober
Tuesday, August 11, 2009 at 11:45PM Two months and two days ago was my last drink. No, I’m not in AA. Two months and two days ago was also my last morsel of dairy. No, I’m not going vegan. (Been there, done that; I have a love affair with cheese.) Two months and two days ago I started exercising less like a deranged workout freak and more like a person who takes a jolly run on the treadmill a couple times a week. And to top it off, one month ago I started eating meat, after 10 years of being a vegetarian.
What the fuck right? Yeah, basically everything listed above used to be a major facet of my life. I’m a bartender—I like booze. I like how it tastes; I like creating cocktails; and I love a good buzz.
No stranger to a tequila shot. Poor Jon.
And dairy, shit, who doesn’t like pizza and nachos and ice cream and and and. Dairy and booze were my rewards for good behavior (yes, I have a tendency to treat myself like a mischievous juvenile). And good behavior consisted of completing my to-do list and exercising as if at any minute I’d be dropped into the Serengeti and would have to outrun a hungry cheetah.
Oh man, and eating meat, no, no, no; I just couldn’t do it. Animals are my homeboys and I couldn’t imagine eating my homeboy. I’m a member of every animal rescue group imaginable—Pot Belly Pig Sanctuary, Wild Equine Rescue, you name it, I have the address labels. Yep, I’m that guy.
My nerd-a-lish filing cabinet.
And then I had to go and get older and my body just stopped working like it used to. I’ll spare you the details, but basically I started having some pretty serious health problems. Western medicine doctors were like, “Here, this pill will fix everything.” And when it didn’t fix anything, and screwed more shit up, I’d go to the next doctor, who gave me another pill, that screwed even more shit up—and so it went for most of my adult life.
I now go to acupuncture and WOWZA, it’s crazy cool shit. I’m pretty sure my acupuncturist is a wizard. She can look in your ear and tell you when your parents got divorced—I’m not kidding. She can also cure anything from torn rotator cuffs to insomnia. She has magical powers. So when she says that you need to stop drinking alcohol, stop eating dairy, stop working out like a frenzied beast and start eating meat, you listen.
Physically, it’s been incredible. Well, except for the first 5 weeks in which I had a fiesta of zits on my face—toxins making their escape route apparently. But let me tell you, waking up without a hangover on July 5 is something to behold. And now I require less sleep. It’s bizarre. I really only drank booze and ate dairy 2-3 times a week, but 7 days a week I was tired. My body has never felt better.
But mentally, this has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. Ridiculous, I know. Graduating summa cum laude was easier than making watermelon margaritas for all of my friends and not having four one. It was easier than turning down the cheese brought back from a friend’s trip to France. It was easier than not having a complete meltdown that I couldn’t go to bootcamp anymore. And it was a hell of a lot easier than eating my first chicken sandwich.
As per usual though, my Mom really put things into perspective and helped ease my transition into a carnivorous lifestyle with one of her trademark one liners:
“Just think of it this way,” she said, “when you die, the worms are going to eat you.”
‘Nuff said.
But as for everything else, I have a hard time with restrictions and rules. When I can’t have something, I want it more. The first month, I spent convincing my inner 15 year old that I can have all of these things, but I’m choosing not to. She threw temper tantrums and fits, but she’s since been pacified (mostly).
And having just completed my second month, I realize that I spent it learning to cope without my usual suspects for a release. If I’m frustrated with my life, I can’t go run 5 miles. If I’m pissed at work, I can’t have a shot. If I’m celebrating, I can’t have a glass of wine and the homemade brownies. Well, I can, I’m just choosing not to. See the thing about sobriety is that you're just so very sober. To everyone living a life of sobriety: you are brave and awe-inspiring.
If I ever became agitated, I would turn to one of these outlets to restore the calm. I have removed my familiar release tactics and now I’m forced to sit with and examine my agitation. HO LEE uncomfortable. My anger is no longer quelled by a good sweat or a cold beer. Instead, I have to sit with it, to feel it. I have to yell and cry and bang shit around. And talk about it (the horror). My excitement is no longer heightened by champagne and a cheese plate. Instead I just have to enjoy the company (but honestly, champagne and cheese are still the best company).
I find it no coincidence that after 3.5 years of working at my job, I gave my notice now. Now that I have to sit with myself without my known distractions. Yep, I gave notice. I offered to work one day a week to ease the transition. They have yet to respond.
So in two months I learned how to talk to my inner, rebellious teenager and to feel my agitation, my anxiety, and my frustration without numbing it and trying to stub it out. And I quit my job. Good gawd, what will month 3 bring? One thing I’m more certain about than the earth being round, is that on September 14, after all this is over, I’m eating nachos for an appetizer, a cheese pizza for dinner, ice-cream for dessert, all accompanied by a smorgasbord of cocktails. I have heartburn just thinking about it, and I can’t wait.
acupuncture, detox, non-dairy, sobriety, vegetarian
Reader Comments (21)
Fuck yeah!!! Good for you for quitting!! (btw, in reference to your last post, quitting something that doesn't make you happy, doesn't make you a quitter) I'm so excited for you and just know funfuckingtastic stuff is going to happen now!
Two months and two days - I'm impressed. Seriously impressed. I've thought so much about going to see an accupuncturist so many times but have never gotten around to it. I'm a bit put off now, what if I can't drink anymore? Shock, horror!!
I just love your writing :) You paint awesome vivid pictures in my mind.
Oh, and you and Jon? One HOT couple!
Wow, thanks for sharing that! I have been going to the most amazing acupuncturist/Chinese medicine woman for the last year or so. She has put me on herbs as well that have really helped. But, she said the same thing, that I needed to exercise less and eat more protein. I used to be hardcore workout fiend but I can't do it anymore. It really bums me out. I'm going to the gym but keeping it on a toned down level. I wasn't a vegetarian but not always real great about getting enough protein in my diet. This whole getting older thing really sucks.
“Just think of it this way,” she said, “when you die, the worms are going to eat you.” Only moms can put things into perspective! Right!
Can I find me a magical woman to help me lose my baby fat? I want someone to look in my ear and tell me my secrets...well, maybe not :)
GREAT post.
yay for you! you rock! teach my inner 15 year old a few tricks please.
Buff. I love you. Seriously. In a "friends" kinda way. I'm loving the hip hop hippie world. Let's get together for a drink. Or whatever.
"See the thing about sobriety is that you're just so very sober." I just love it!! Good for you!!
i want to be brave enough to give up drinking for a month, a quarter, a year. this was a great armature to hang my owns fears on. as usual, brilliant writing. brava!
Buff, you motor-boatin' son of a bitch! Congratulations, girl. What an inspirational post--it really rang through on multiple levels for me. THANK YOU!
Let me tell you all something before you go congratulating her, I had to put up with that inner 15 year old and the effect... I definitely drank more, ate more cheese and doubled the amount of meat I ate. Yes people, it's called stuffing your feelings!
Acupuncture IS amazing isn't it? I just wish it wasn't soooo flippin' expensive! But traditional medicine is definitely the way to go (although my IBS doctor is the bomb too!)
You rock....but I do look forward to having a drink with my babygirl soon!
Wow Buff. Good for fuckin you and all of these big changes. You're a strong one. Congrats on quitting, and taking control of your life!!!! I'm sort of inspired to take a break from booze and dairy now too. That's what this Wizard is saying?
OMG. I love you! When my 90 days are up, I'm going to "visit" my brother in Vegas. I don't think I'm actually going to see him though, unless it's through a drunken, carbohydrate-induced coma of alcohol and pasta. Mmmm. Booze and pasta. And bread. And rice. And enough about me - you rock!
Never thought it could happen... I am hooked on a blog. So is it a "you can't quit,we fire your ass'' even stealing the sweetness of walking away?
Your acupuncturist is a nut!!!
But then...no more grease stains on the coffee table (seaping through the damned flimsy pizza box) and the "clang clang" of pocket change saved from alcohol abstinence...could be music to my ears...
Wait, what's the nut's number??
Fuck!
That was a really great essay!
Thank you.
No more VC buff...how sad. I do find it interesting that we seem to parallel each other. I struggling in the concrete jungle, have just given up booze during the week. Yep, Talk about hard especially when majority of your evenings are spent in either seedy comedy clubs or selling booze. What is "he" such a mean friend lately. I miss the good ole' days.
You're amahzing as usual and an inspiration and I don't mean that in the lame touchy feely way. I miss you.
I LOVE ME SOME NENE!!!!!
wow buffy. thats alot of change to deal with at once. love it. proud of you. keep the cheese wheel wall clock though, that thing is priceless.
Elise: You're amazing. I wish the Pacific didn't separate us.
WhenPigsFly: It sounds like we're going through the same thing! How cool! Getting older seriously blows!
Rambler: SO true, Mom's know exactly what to say. And it is seriously craaazy having someone tell you all that shit about your life from your ear! Wtf right?!
Claire: Our inner 15 year olds will have to get together and let out their ya-yas!
Toby: I love and miss you!
Suzanne: thank you!!
Craig: You're incredible.
Ryan: Hahahaha! I've always wanted someone to call me a motor-boatin son of a bitch! Thank YOU!
Kneebucks: Oh you love it!
Jules: Seriously, it's the best right?!
Caroline: DOOD, I cannot wait to get some margies with you!
Spencer: Thankeeee!!! Yep, that's what the wizard says...if I can do it anyone can do it!
Colby: And pizza and nachos and ice-cream and french toast and and and!
Pip: I'm so glad that your awesomeness found HHH! Please never leave! :)
1000Needles: Wizard, she's a WIZARD!
Tim: Thank you! Takes one to know one. :)
Allison: Oh I miss the days of getting on the island! VC Buff foreva!
Steve T: I've left the cheese wheel wall clock in my will for you!
OK - now I'm really catching up - just realized that my post to your "prostate update" may just make me sound like a complete and total BIATCH!!! I saw an acupunturist when I was so fucking nauseas I couldn't handle walking past a toilet (at any point in the day - that morning sickness line is 100% bullshit). LOVED IT! I hope that your health problems are better and I now understand why you went on the wagon for 3 months. GOOD FOR YOU GIRL!
Seriously loving your shit - as I knew I would - wishing I hadn't gotten so far behind. Also wishing lately that I could travel back in time to one of the many nights we sat in your room in the basement and lauged so hard we cried, almost peeing our pants (ok - I'll admit it, I think one time a little actually leaked) about god only knows what. I think the saddest thing about adulthood is how much you miss your childhood - and everyone that was a part of it. And looking back - for some fucked up reason - all we were trying to do was grow up. How about a little Jackson 5 for that ass? Spray painted afro anyone? Screw all this emotional bullshit pregnancy puts you through - like its not enough of a mind fuck already? Seriously - no wonder we were only children - our moms were to damn smart to put themselves through this more than once!!!!
Whitney: Omg, that was so fun back in that room laughing till we cried! Oh how I miss those times too!! Loved your comment, thank you for bringing back such great memories! The spray-painted afros-hahaha! Miss you woman. Love you.